Dido Lozoff

Hey boys and girls, Where did i leave off in our little chat? Ahh, the vacation! So in preparation for this little getaway, i had to round up all my fellow Tyrians. But first, I had to find Pygmalion's gold. Now, I used to love my brother, even if he was ugly and almost died in freak fat suffocation accident (he fell asleep and his face was engulfed by his quadruple chin. Paramedics had to get a crane in order to take the body to the hospital). But still, I had to take some sort of revenge. So i thought that it would be a good idea to leave him dirt poor, begging for food and survival. Sychaeus's google map worked like a charm and I hoarded all of Pyggy's wealth. Can anyone say Shopping Spree! So I bought a few pairs of shoes, some new linens (for the new palace bedroom) and new boat to transport the Tyrians. I wanted to bet the remaining money on a chariot race, but then a friend of mine reminded me that we might need money in the new world. And I was almost sure Curlinus was going to win.

Finally, we departed for a new home. The boat ride over was terrible. I got puked on like five million times. I guess that gives me a good excuse to shop for a new wardrobe! So we reached Africa, or at least that's what I was told. We first encountered a people named the Byrsians. They were a bunch of totally gross boys. Having that woman's intuition, I figured that I could trick these silly boys into selling me lots of land. They were not easy to deal with and at first, they only let me buy the land that I could cover with a bull's hide. Now here is where I am sick, like killer sick, like killer sick sick. I stretch out the bull's hide so that it reaches all the way to the sea. That way I didn't have to exploit my womanhood! HOORAY! after this moment, Karthage was born! 

So that's just another story about why i am so cool and sick and sweet and hot and Myspace and Friendster and Facebook and and just totally infinity sick times a million. 

That's pretty cool if you ask me. Or just reference the coolness chart: 

(X-axis is time, Y-axis is level of coolness times a million)

Later peoples!

MwaAaAaAaZzZzZz 

Dido 

From what all my Roman friends have told me (and that's not you Aeneas, scumbag jerkface @#%$%#$), The Dictator of Italy, Benito Mussolini,thought  that i  "represented together at least three other unpleasant qualities: feminine virtue, Semitic ethnic origin, and African civilization." Therefore, while he was remanimng roman streets after characters in the Aeneid, he did not name one after me! Well, Benito, look where you are now. HA, your dead and I'm totally blogging all over you and your fascist regime. So there. O! Thanks Wikipedius for the scoop! (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dido).

But…I bet that i am the only mortal in the Aeneid who has a math problem named after me. The isoperimetric problem or Dido's problem. This problem was named after me in relation to the story about my first meeting with those stinky Byrsians. At that meeting,  I agreed to buy all the land that could be included in a bull's hide. After the meeting i cunningly stretched the bull's hide as far as i could and it eventually included all the land that is now Karthage! "The most essential contribution towards its rigorous proof was given in 1841 and is due to Jacob Steiner (1796-1863). At the time it stood at the center of controversy between adherents of analytic (i.e. using Calculus) and synthetic (pure Geometric) methods. Although accepting validity of the analytic methods, Steiner only used synthetic approach. His proof contained a flaw that later was fixed by analytic approach" (http://www.cut-the-knot.org/do_you_know/isoperimetric.shtml).

These math nerds will always have a spot in my heart. I should also be in there hearts because without me, they would not have had the inspiration to formulate this proof. I don't understand the proof itself, I just learned Arabic numerals (I was used to Roman numerals). Little ol' me will just have to sit down one day and figure it out…HA KIDDING! You should know I'm not that lame. Sheesh. I'm going to my private pool and getting my cabana boy to make me a smoothie.

 toodles XOxOxoXoOxOXO,

<3 Dido

P.S. (If you want to see the actual proof, visit here:  http://www.math.utah.edu/~treiberg/isoperim/isop.pdf). 

I think Bobby Brown and the rest of the boys from New Edition said it best in their 1984 hit, Mr. Telephone Man…wait, what's a telephone anyway (I JUST GOT USED TO THE INTERNETS!). Well anyways, there must have been something wrong with my line when Aeneas and I first met. I experienced some new, undying passion to hear his tale of infandum dolorem but this passion was tots unrequited (my vocab is sooo hot right now). What more did he want.  I gave him my palace, all my facilities, and all the food and meat that he could have ever wanted. And even through we spelunked for hours, i could still feel that he did not have the same love for me as i had for him. I don't know where things are going to go from here. Someone told me that I had been lit on fire and I  said "Yeh, I'm on fire. My body is hot as Hades!" I didn't realize at the time that they had meant that my heart had been lit on fire. So I went to the doctor, and he said that my heart was ignited with love. I immediatly ordered for a bath of pepto bismal but that didn't work. So eventually i went back to the doctor and he prescribed me a metaphor and then i realized all along that Aeneas and I were meant to be soul mates. Those dreamy eyes, those chizzled pecs and arms, those touching words…it all felt like a dream. Alas! I still felt the vinculo matrimoni between myself and my Sycheus, my not so hot, not so living Ex. I took a vow to never remarry. Well, so much for that. After a late night girl sesh with Anna, I had been convinced that Sycheus would stay put in the ground and that I should live a little (no semi-pun intended). From then on i was determined to shag my Trojan heartthrob. And it was just my luck. We happened to stumble upon each other about to spelunk at a remote cave far from the palace. We spelunked together for hours (Talk about a stalagmite!). And somehow, after our adventure into the cave, we were married. O happy day! But, from there…well…it was not all fun and games and exploring caves. But I'll tell you a little more about that next time.