So, Virgil has alot to say about me. First He thinks I am desperate. Well Virgil, YOU ARE WRONG! I have a hungry sexual appetite that can only be fufilled by Trojan heros. Virgil makes me look like a total drama queen! In this scene, I am telling anna of my love for anease and he makes me sound like a hopeless whining baby! Harrrumph! 4.9-4.11: "Anna soro, quae me suspensam insomnia terrent! Quis novus hic nostris successit sedibus hospes, quem sese ore ferens, quam forti pectore et armis!" So what if i was taken aback by Aeneas's great bod. A little girl like me can't help that. It's only natural human behavior…i think. But I can't be totally biased against Virgy. He describe me as the fearless leader of the Tyrians when I led my people to Carthage. I don't want to get into how much i hate my brother pygmalion. I will save that story for another time. But i just wanted to show you that I am not mad at Virgil. I actually have sort of a crush on him. Maybe if he wasn't so into dactyllic hexameter, he would be able to have a lady friend. Anyways heres virgil making me look pretty hot: 1.360-1.364: " His commota fugam Dido sociosque parabat. Conveniunt quibus aut odium crudele tyranni aut metus acer erat; naves, quae forte paratae, corripuit onerantque auro. Portantur avari Pygmalionis opes pelago; dux femina facti." ahhh…the words "dux femina facti". So uplifiting, so powerful, so Shania Twain! Man, I feel like a woman… That is where the complements ended! Servius…that name. He started so much DRAMA when he wrote that fake letter from me to Aeneas. Ovid knew that I was really emotional about Aeneas leaving me. He just had to make it worse by saying I was pregnanat with his child when he left which IS SOOOO UNTRUE! Like it wasn't bad enough that he left…but thenOvid has to say that I'm pregnant and that I also killed my unborn child. GOSH! "Perhaps also it is a pregnant Dido, evil one, whom you abandon, Ok dido, control yourself, *deep breath*. Good thing I bought every copy of Ovid's Heroides and burned each one. Hehehe. So there Ovid. Now I just have to take care of all those copies scattered on the internet. I guess Ovid was not that bad compared to that Servius. Servius, thinking that Anna was much prettier and cooler than me, decided to put the spotlight on my jealous sister. In his commentary In Tria Virgilii Opera Exposito, Servius cites Varro as saying that Anna was actually the one in love with Aeneas! He also wrote that Anna killed herself! WHAT A POSER. I'm the only one that can kill herself. This is my story, my suicide, my totally fabulous blog…SHE CAN'T BE ME! ***UUUGGGHHHH*** So I wrote my congressman about banning the publication of Servius's and Varro's work. The congressman had the nerve to say in his replay that no one cared. He hadn't even heard of Servius or Varro! Are You Kidding Me! DO THESE CAPITOL LETTERS HELP CONVEY MY TRUE ANGER!!!! I NEED THESE BOOKS BANNED. Ok I'm Going to cry for a little bit, Ill Be back later…
And a part of me lies hidden in my body.
The wretched infant will join the fate of the mother,
And you will be the author of the death of your unborn child.
With his mother will the brother of Iulus die,
And one punishment will take us both away."
Dear Dido, I sympathize. Yeh Virgy is a bit of a hotty…your words not mine, and a bit of a nerd…I mean who honestly can say they love metrical patterns more than he can. (I guess he would be a good candidate for the Bachelor…smart, funny?, good job, a babe) What ev, he does paint you badly at points, but it is for the sake of Roman history…can you blame him for fabricating the ancient reasoning behind the Punic Wars…well I can forgive him. Virgil does make you multi-dimensional though…and no that doesn’t mean that you are fat…that dress is slimming. You are a complete character, or sorry, a complete person in the eyes of the Aeneid. You do not seem fabricated, a bit superficial, but everyone is. I just wanted to say that I appreciate you and totally understand your love/loss/relove/reloss/pain/frustration/and whatever possible feelings I have not mentioned. I faced imminent death as well…it stinks, but that’s the way the story goes, so I can sympathize/empathize/express compassion. So perhaps the “People are talking” section of your story is a little extensive…your just popular. Leave it all in the dust and live your afterlife to the fullest.
Hope this consoles you…your outrageously cool religious mentor,
Laocoon (Goldenberg)