As Jordyn Flows

[My Sentence Handbook combines two elements that are often not associated with each other: grammar and fun! Here you will witness how the halarious film Zoolander and grammer fuse together, which create my "Ridiculously Good Looking Grammar Guide." Trust me (the creator), it is an adventure worth reading].  

A Ridiculously Good Looking Grammar Guide!

Jordyn Shaffer’s Sentence Handbook Mixed with some Fashion Advice:

 Attention English students! This sentence handbook is an essential guide comprised of grammar rules that will benefit you. These rules will steer you in the right direction by exemplifying correct grammar or preventing common grammatical mistakes in your prose. Once the sentence handbook was assigned by Mr. Franek, I was so excited to think of an entertaining theme. Zoolander, the notorious film, which makes a mockery of the fashion industry, is the theme of my sentence handbook. My decision to apply the rules of punctuation to this film was based on the amazing cast, amusing lines, and my infatuation with fashion. Enter the world of male modeling and commercialism, where grammar and style are impeccable and can easily be mastered with some guidance. 

The period. 1. The period is used to mark the end of a declarative or an imperative sentence:

Derek Zoolander: I’m sorry I was whack.Derek Zoolander: I'm sorry that we models make you feel bad about yourself. 

2. The period is never to be used at the end of a sentence that is part of another sentence.  In other words, there is never a sentence with two periods: 

Derek Zoolander: I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.

In order to calm their nerves and get in the right mindset before a show, many male models sing Madonna’s hit, “VOGUE.”

3. The period goes inside the parentheses enclosing an independent, freestanding sentence:

Reporter: Derek, are you worried about Hansel?

(Derek was worried about Hansel but did not want the press to know he felt threatened by the popular rookie.)

Derek: Not as much as I'm worried about Gretel.”  

4. The period always goes inside quotation marks at the end of a sentence:

Hansel: I felt like, "This guy's really hurting me." And it hurt.

 The question mark? 

1. Use the question mark after a direct question:

Derek: Don’t you ever wonder if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?

Derek: What is this? A center for ants? How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read if they can't even fit inside the building?  

2. Do not use the question mark after a politely phrased request:

During his photo shoot, Derek asked the photographer to please stop using the flash.

Derek politely requested that Hansel’s fans stop bombarding him after he did not receive the Male Model of the Year Award.

3. Only when a question mark is part of the quoted or parenthetical material does it go inside quote marks or parentheses:

Hansel: “Holy craps, Hansel, haven’t you been smoking Peyote for six straight days?”

As you watch this incredible movie, you may wonder, “Why does Paris Hilton make a cameo appearance in this movie? What is her purpose?”

Larry Zoolander questioned his son’s effort in trying to make him a proud father. He asked his son, “How? With your male modeling? Prancing around in your underwear?”

The exclamation Point! 1. The exclamation point is used after an exclamatory word, phrase, or sentence:

Derek Zoolander: GUYS! Can we stop mocking each other!Mugatu: It's that damn Hansel! He's so hot right now! Hansel: Oh, Snap! 

2. Only when an exclamation point is part of the quoted or parenthetical material does it go inside quotation marks or parentheses:

In order to cheer up Derek, Brint, Meekus and Rufus suggested to him that they should all get their ultimate favorite drink, “Orange Mocha Frappuccinos!”

Hansel told Derek, “You are talking loco and I like it!”

The Hansel Fan Club’s mandate is to “Live life to the fullest and skateboard everyday!”

The comma, 1.The comma is used between independent clauses (independent clauses have their own noun and verb) of equal value that are short and have no commas in them. Note the consistent verb tense:

Maury Ballstein: Mugatu is so rich he could take a crap, wrap it in tinfoil, put a couple fish hooks on it and sell them to Queen Elizabeth as earrings.  

2. The comma is used between two independent clauses joined by coordinating conjunctions, such as “and,” “but,” “or,” “nor,” “neither,” “yet,” or “so.” If the first dependent phrase is really short, however, no comma is needed. 

Derek Zoolander: Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty. Hansel: Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that.Matilda told Hansel that she thought models were vain. He replied, "I totally agree with you, but how do you feel about male models?

Mugatu: As a caterpillar becomes a butterfly, so must you become Derelicte!

Hansel is a free spirit 

3. The comma is used after a dependent clause (a dependent clause cannot stand on its own as a complete sentence), unusually a fairly long one, that comes before an independent clause:   

Matilda: When I was in 7th grade, I was . . . the fat kid in my class.

Derek Zoolander: Ew!

As far as I know, Zoolander is the best movie ever! 

4. Two or more verbs having the same subject (a compound predicate) are not to be separated by a comma: 

Derek Zoolander showed us his Blue Steel look and then threw us his Magnum look.

Mugatu’s fear is that the Prime Minster of Malaysia will band child labor and provide children with an education.  

5. Use commas to set off the one or ones spoken to in a direct address: 

Billy Zane: Hey, Derek, back on top, man.

Derek Zoolander: Thanks, Billy. You rock.

Billy Zane: No, you rock. When you gonna drop Magnum on us, buddy? 

6. Appositives- words that follow a noun or pronoun and identify it-are set off by commas:

Derek Zoolander: An eugoogalizor, one who speaks at funerals. Or did you think I'd be too stupid to know what a eugoogoly was?

Maury, Derek’s agent and loyal confidant, is played by Jerry Stiller. 

7. A comma is used between two adjectives when they modify the same noun: 

Derek Zoolander: If there is anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, it's that a male model's life is a precious, precious commodity.

Derek Zoolander is a generous, caring friend to Hansel.

8. If, however, the first adjective modifies the idea put forward in the second adjective and the noun combined, no comma is used between the adjectives. This rule is often a matter of taste:

Models are stereotyped for being superficial narcissistic people.

Brent’s idea to have a gasoline fight is a valid example of his extreme stupidity.

 9.  Use commas to set off mild parenthetical phrases and interjections that cause a break in the flow of thought:  

Mugatu: Oh, I am sorry. Did my pin get in the way of your behind! Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately, or get out of my building now!

Derek Zoolander: Look, I think I know what this is about and I’m flattered I am but not interested in you.

Matilda: Derek, that was amazing!

Derek Zoolander: I know! I turned left!

Matilda: Yeah, that too, but Derek, you saved the prime minister of Malaysia!

10.  Three or more elements in a series are separated by commas, and a comma comes before the conjunction that joins the last two elements in the list: 

Derek Zoolander: Rufus, Brint, and Meekus were like brothers to me.

Derek’s favorite past times are combing his hair, dancing to Elton John and tanning. 

11.  Commas are used to set off conjunctive adverbs, such as “however” and “moreover” and “therefore”: 

At first Derek and Hansel were competitors. However, they soon become best friends.Derek Zoolander has discovered his interest in books while waiting to get his make up for a fashion show. Therefore, he created a center dedicated to literacy. 

12.  Commas go inside quotation marks but they go outside and at the end of parentheses: 

"Wow, you're ridiculously good looking; maybe you could do that for a career,” said Derek as he looked at his reflection in his spoon while eating cereal.

“The man only has one look,” cried Mugatu (since Derek received so much attention for no reason), he felt like he was the only one who noticed.

13. Commas are used to separate the parts of addresses and names of geographical places or political divisions

.Derek walks down the runway in Milan, New York City, and Paris—the three fashion capitals of the world.

The Prime Minister of Malaysia, a democrat, is infatuated with Derek.

The semicolon; 1.  A semicolon is used in place of a comma when a significant break in the flow of sentence is needed. A semicolon is often used between two independent clauses in a compound sentence:

Mugatu: Hi Derek! My name's Little Cletus and I'm here to tell you a few things about child labor laws, ok? They're silly and outdated. Why back in the 30s, children as young as five could work as they pleased; young children could work in textile factories and iron smelts. Yippee! Hurray!

 Derek will star as a guest judge on America's Next Top Model; Tyra Banks is looking forward to Derek's appearance because he will increase the show's ratings. 

Derek looks in the mirror when he is nervous; it is a habit that he developed when he was five-years-old.  

2. A semicolon is used before an adverb that separates two clauses in a compound sentence:

In the July issue of VOGUE magazine, Mugatu’s Piano-Key Neck Tie made the list for “The most Influential Pieces in Fashion”; however, I think the tie is heinous.

Derek decided to end his modeling career; thus, he attempted to be a coal miner.

 The colon: 1. The colon is used to introduce a part of a sentence that exemplifies, restates, or explains the preceding part. There is no need to capitalize the first world following the colon:

Derek is an inspiration to other philanthropists: he has created the Derek ZoolanderCenter for Children Who Can't Read Good.

Derek has made a lot of money on e-Bay: he sold his baby pictures to some sketchy weirdo in Oklahoma.

 2.  The colon is used to introduce a series or a list. Note, keep the elements in the list in the same grammatical construct, especially in terms of verb tense:

The top five essentials to be a successful model are: hair gel, Crest White Strips, a comb, a compact mirror, and good taste.

Hansel told Esquire magazine his favorite foods are: eggplant, tofu, and peas.

 The hyphen- 1. The hyphen connects the parts if some compound words used as nouns or adjectives:

Derek Zoolander: Now if you'll excuse me, I have an after-funeral party to attend.

 2. The hyphen joins compound numbers from twenty-one to ninety-nine and is used to express fractions:

At the mere age of twenty-one, Derek Zoolander has made five million dollars from endorsements.

 3. The hyphen connects a long list of adjectives that modify a noun, particularly when the hyphenated phrase was coined by the author of the sentence:

Being a popular Fashion designer, I vow to my customers that I avoid designing ill-fitted clothing.   

The dash— 1. The dash shows a break in continuity or thought in a sentence. A dash is a little bit stronger than a comma. On most computers, the dash is formed by typing TWO hyphens—so that it literally looks like a dash. Please not that there are no spaces before and after the dash. Dashes can be used in the middle or at the end of a sentence—and they can be very effective:

Derek is a confident model but he has one insecurity—his inability to turn left.

Derek has fallen in love with Matilda, but there is one problem—she has no sense of style.

 The Parentheses ( ) 1. Use parentheses to enclose loosely related comments or explanations. Note: commas always go after parenthetical phrases in compound sentences:

Mugatu realized that he loved Hansel’s blonde hair (long cascading flowing locks), which made him so hot.

Maury Ballstein wanted to sign Hansel as his client (which would make him a disloyal agent), since he has the ability to make him more famous then Derek.  

2. Do not end a parenthetical sentence within a sentence with a period nor begin the sentence with a capital letter. BUT a FREESTANDING parenthetical sentence needs BOTH:

Derek has the smallest cell phone (measuring only once inch wide) which can work anywhere in the world. He bought Hansel the same phone for his birthday. (Secretly, Hansel hates this phone since he only believes in direct human interaction.)

 The ellipsis . . . 1.Use the ellipsis to express the omission of a word, a phrase, or a sentence. Form the ellipsis with three dots with spaces before and after each dot. If you want to indicate that an entire sentence or more has been left out, use an ellipsis plus a period (four dots) with no space before the first dot:

Matilda: I became . . .  

 Hansel: What?  

Matilda: Bulimic.

Derek Zoolander: You can read minds?Maury: What do we do when we fall off a horse?Zoolander: Fall of the horse . . . Maury: We . . . get back on!Zoolander: Sorry Maury I am not a gymnast.  

The quotation marks “ “ 1.Use the quotation marks to surround material quoted directly from a source. Quotation marks also used to enclose the title of smaller literary works, like poems and shore stories; books, plays, and move titles, however, are generally italicized or underlined. If a quotation appears within a quotation, use single quotation marks ‘like this’ to surround the imbedded material:

Hansel insisted he would not accompany Derek to New York Fashion Week if he wore his gold jacket because it looked like it was from the Broadway show Chorus Line.

 He believed Derek would be self-centered if he wore the ostentatious jacket because it would grab the reporter’s attention. He explained to his dear friend, “I hear words like ‘beauty’ and ‘handsomeness’ and ‘incredibly chiseled features’ and for me that's like a vanity of self absorption that I try to steer clear of.”

 2. Single quotation marks are used when a quotation is embedded within another quotation. The bracketed phrase [sic] means that the author of the sentence is pointing out an error in the original quotation so that the reader doesn’t think the writer of the sentence is to blame for the nuance or mistake in the quotation.

Matilda had been wondering if Derek was still alive. She wrote an article about his sudden disappearance called, “Male Mode Missing.” Matilda quotes Derek’s claim that he, ‘was at a day spa. Day, D-A-I-Y-E.’

Also, Matilda writes about Derek’s struggle with turning left and spelling three lettered words [sic].

” The apostrophe‘ 1.Use the apostrophe to indicate possession by adding’s to all singular subjects even if the subject end with the letter “s.” for most plural subjects, merely add the apostrophe to indicate that the entire group has possession of someone or something. The apostrophe is also used to indicate the omission of a letter(s) in a word or a contraction.

Derek and Hansel are attached at the hip. I always see ‘em together in the tabloids.

Hansel: Who are you tryin' to get crazy with, ese? Don't you know I'm loco?

Derek Zoolander: Wait a minute. I might just have an idea. They'll be looking for us at Maury's right? But they won't be looking for . . . not us. 

The bracket [ ] 

1.Use the bracket to enclose material that you add to a quotation or alter in a quotation, usually for clarification or for emphasis:

I am not an ambi-turner [having the ability to turn right and left]. 

The back slash / 1.Use the black slash, with one space before and after the slash, to indicate a line break when quoting lines from a play (in verse from) or from a poem:

In a press conference, Derek was asked if he had any last words relating to Hansel. Abruptly, he began singing lines from RENT, his favorite musical, “There is only us, / There is only this!” 

Often Misused Words 

Affect vs. Effect If you’re referring to a thing (a noun), ninety-nine times out of a hundred you mean effect (result). If you mean an action (a verb), ninety-nine times out of a hundred you mean affect (to influence):

The effects of modeling are vanity, fame, and wealth. Ultimately these things can affect ones personality. 

Then there’s that one time out of a hundred where you want to use effect as a verb, and affect as a noun. Both cases are extremely rare. When used a noun, affect is a physiological term for a feeling (pronounced with the accent on the first syllable):

After ten consecutive interviews, Derek displayed a lack of affect because he was cranky. 

When used as a verb, effect means to achieve or to bring about:

At the Dolce and Gabbana show Derek nearly died on the runway due to walking in dangerous shoes. Derek’s incident will be an effect for all male models because designers can only have male models walk in shoes that are less than three inches.  

Accept vs. Except Accept is always a verb and it means to receive or to agree. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, except is a preposition or a conjunction and it means other than:

Hansel has slowly learned to accept that he is not permitted to advertise fur since he is a spokesperson for PETA.

Sometimes (hardly ever) except can be used as a verb, and it means to exclude or to leave out:

Models like Naomi Campbell and Kate Moss are excepted from jail because of their fame.

 Lie vs. Lay Lie is a verb and it means to tell a falsehood or to be untrue. Lie is also an intransitive verb (one that does not need an object) and it means to recline or to rest in a comfortable position (implies rest, usually of a person or an animal). Lay is a transitive verb (one that takes an object) and it means to put or to place something (implies motion):

Hansel told a lie in that he told his fans his first career was being a professional model. Secretly, he worked for the CIA as an undercover agent.

Mugatu likes to lie down before every show and drink foamy lattes.

Often Derek lays a donut in front of him to test his willpower.

  Principal vs. Principle Both words are nouns, of course, but they have entirely different meanings. Principal means either a sum of money (minus the interest) invested or lent or the head of an institution, usually of a school (the principal is your pal!) A principle is a rule of conduct or a basic truth:

Derek forgot to reinvest his principal. Instead, he purchased a leather jacket while shopping on Rodeo Drive.

A principle for male models is to have chiseled features and defined abs.

 Quote vs. Quotation Quote is always a verb and it means to copy or to repeat someone else’s words verbatim. A quotation is a noun and it means the material being copied or quoted. In writing paper, do not use a quote for a shortened form of quotation:

There are too many hilarious quotations in this film for me to quote my favorite one.       

Derek Zoolander is often quoted by young males that are ridiculously good looking.

 Hanged vs. Hung Hanged and hung are both past participles of the verb hang. Hanged, however, is used only to refer to executions with a rope; hung is used in all other instances to mean suspended or help up, as if on a hook or to loiter (as in “he hung around the store’’):

Hansel is madly in love with Dontella Versace and would hang himself in order to save her life.

Derek hung around Hansel’s house because he had a yoga studio. 

Farther vs. Further Farther designated literal distance, while further designates degree:

The farthest Derek has traveled is Milan for a runway show.

Hansel furthered his career when he became a spokesperson for PETA.

 A lot A lot is always and forever a two-word phrase and it means something like this:

Derek's wardrobe incorporates a lot of color.

I like him in red a lot.

 Complement vs. Compliment Complement is a noun which completes or brings something to perfection. A compliment is something said in admiration, praise, or flattery.

Giorgio Armani wears a black t-shirt since it is a complement to any casual outfit.

Throughout his career, Derek has received numerous compliments in regard to his looks, but secretly his suppressed desire is to be complimented on his intellect.

 Kernel vs. Colonel Kernel and Colonel are nouns but completely different things. A Kernel is a grain or seed of corn. A Colonel is a military officer ranking above a lieutenant and below a general.

While watching Zoolander, I spilled my popcorn on the floor. I was disappointed to find that there was only one little kernel at the bottom of my bucket.

This season the military look is popular. Many jackets on the runway looked like like they were worn by a colonel. 

Stationery vs. Stationary  Stationery is a noun which is writing material (specifically paper and envelopes used for letters), while stationary is an adjective meaning still or fixed.

Hansel does not have a computer, cell phone, and stationery.

Derek rides his stationary bike to keep his quadriceps lean.