Sum Juno. J-U-N-O.
Vergil likes to confuse you little Latin scholars by referring to me using many different words and phrases. Here are a few Latin words and phrases that should make you think JUNO!!!:
Juno
Regina (dea)
Karthagonia
saevae memorem
ira
Basic Info
Romanum Nomen: Juno
(Danaum Nomen: Hera)
Nicknames/Epithets: Juno Regina (”Juno the Queen”), Juno Moneta (”Juno Who Warns”/”Juno the Alone”), Interduca (”she who leads the bride into marriage”), Domiduca (”whe who leads the bride into her new home”), Cinxia (”she who loses the bride’s girdle), Lucina (”she who brings children into the light”), Lucetia (”bringer of the light”)
Sex: Female
Relationship Status: Married (and very faithful)
Looking For: The Trojans
Birthday: June 1, 2500 B.C.
Hometown: Mt. Olympus/Carthage
State/Country: Greece
Political Views: Very Conservative
Religious Views: Pagan
Mortality Status: Goddess (Immortal)
Goddess of: Marriage, Fertility, and Queen of the Gods
Contact Info
Cell #: (II-I-V) VIII-IX-II VI-IV-V-I
Residence: Mt. Olympus, The Heavens
Address: 555 Lightning Bolt Dr., Mt. Olympus, 38475
AIM: aENeAsH8er
Email: JunoRegina@MountOlympus.org; AeneasH8er@hotmail.com
Websites: http://www.myspace.com/trojanhater, http://facebook.com/groups/1000000StrongToStopTheTrojans
Personal Info
Favorite Activities: plotting against the Trojans, fighting with Venus, watching/making Trojans suffer, bribing other Gods/Goddesses, being the Greeks’ #1 Cheerleader, manipulating people
Interests: destroying Troy, getting rid of the Trojans, killing Aeneas, doing whatever I want
Favorite Music: Here I Come -The Roots, Miss Independent -Kelly Clarkson miss-independent.mp3 , Hate Me Now -Nas (ft. P. Diddy), Heart of a Champion -Nelly heart-of-a-champion.mp3
Favorite TV Shows: 24, Prisonbreak, Real World: Carthage, Newlyweds: Aeneas and Dido, Daily Show, Colbert Report
Favorite Movies: My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Brokeback Mount Olympus, 10 Things I Hate About Troy, Mean Girls
Favorite Books: The Aeneid (Book II)
Favorite Quotes: “Tell people what they want to hear and then do whatever you want” -Paris Hilton, “Forecast for tomorrow: a few sprinkles of genius with a chance of DOOM!” -Stewie Griffin (Family Guy)
Education Info
College: UMO (University of Mt. Olympus)
Concentration: Political Science and Foreign Policy
Second Concentration: MRS Degree
High School: Carthage High School; OC (Old Carthage) ‘68
Work Info
Employer: Greek mortals and all immortals (especially Juppiter)
Position: Queen of the Gods, Goddess of Marriage, Goddess of Fertility, chairman of “Every Trojan Left Behind”, and “Annihilate Troy in 30 Minutes or Less” (I work 24/7)
Description: self-explanatory
Location: Mt. Olympus and the Skies in general
Courses
AP Queen
Bribery 101
Women’s Leadership Course (1 trimester)
AP Marriage (how to land yourself a hunky immortal by the time you graduate)
Sex Ed.
So Dido and Aeneas are really hitting it off. Yes I know Dido is completely obsessed with Aeneas, like a highschool freshman girl swooning over a studly senior boy, but whatevs. I may have had Cupid strike her with his arrow so that she’d be all over Aeneas but let’s keep that between us. Anyway, both Venus and myself want Dido and Aeneas to get married (finally something Venus and I agree on–I never thought this day would come. But I still think she’s a trashy whore). Okay, okay, i want this marriage to happen for my own reasons (i.e it would be a nice distraction for Aeneas…and give my Greeks the perfect opportunity to found this city that Aeneas is destined to found). However, who cares? The point is that this marriage WILL happen. How could Aeneas and Dido not get married when two very powerful, very relevant goddesses are involved? (Venus is the goddess of love…and sluttiness, and I am the goddess of marriage). Hopefully we get Dido and Aeneas married sooner rather than later, my Greeks will set out to found this soon-to-be-so-fricken-powerful-its-ridic city, and I can sit back relax and watch the sweet sweet suffering of the Trojans without a home. I CAN’T WAIT!
OMG! I am soooo mad at Paris! So I know I’m beautiful (duh) and Juppiter knows I’m beautiful, I’m the Regina of the Sky, I’m married to Juppiter, and I have a month named after me! Not to mention I’m goddess of Fertility and Marriage (and, lets be realistic here, only pretty girls get married). Not gonna lie, I’m a pretty big deal. People know me.
So today we had this little contest. Paris had to decide which of the goddesses was the most beautiful, and I offered him power, some other b*tch offered him something (I donno, wasn’t really paying attention), and then stupid selfish Venus offered up some hot chick and he took up her bribe over mine. (Typical. Men only think about sex every 8 seconds!)
ANYWAY, this is a big big deal. I mean, Venus isn’t ugly or anything (few goddesses are), but I’m Juno Regina! I am so much prettier than stupid stuck-up Venus. I hate her sooooo much! What a slizzzutt–she probably slept with Paris to get the stupid “you’re the prettiest goddess in the whole wide ancient world” prize. Great. I’ll get that slore back though, don’t you worry. She’s a big fan of the Trojans right? Her son Aeneas has been working mad game up in Troy. I’ll get my Greek Army to burn their precious Troy to the ground. VENUS, YOU JUST MADE A HUUUUGE MISTAKE, WOMAN! and your Trojans will pay…
This song desribes my feelings exactly. I’ve listened to it over a hundred times since Paris’ crushing decision. Whatever, Venus. I AM BEAUTIFUL.
Beautiful by Christina Aguilera
Every day is so wonderful
And suddenly, i saw debris
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the pain, I’m so ashamed
I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can’t bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can’t bring me down
So don’t you bring me down today
To all your friends, you’re delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The piece is gone left the puzzle undone
That’s the way it is
You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can’t bring you down
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can’t bring you down
Don’t you bring me down today…
No matter what we do
(no matter what we do)
No matter what they say
(no matter what they say)
When the sun is shining through
Then the clouds won’t stay
And everywhere we go
(everywhere we go)
The sun won’t always shine
(sun won’t always shine)
But tomorrow will find a way
All the other times
’cause we are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won’t bring us down, oh no
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can’t bring us down
Don’t you bring me down today
Don’t you bring me down today
Don’t you bring me down today
http://www.lyrics007.com/Christina%20Aguilera%20Lyrics/Beautiful%20Lyrics.html
I hate Aeneas! He and his stupid comrades are trying to ruin everything! Look, I know that I probably shouldn’t have let my people riot in Troy, that was pretty JV. (Even though the horse idea was classic). But yeah, whatever. See now that Pyrrhus killed king Priam and destroyed his city, stupid fugly Aeneas and his stupid Trojan entourage have caused me nothing but trouble. The Fata say that Aeneas will found this great city (word on the street is that it’s called “Rome” but keep that DL, naa mean?) but I won’t let that happen. I mean I’m married to JUPPITER, he rules Mt. Olympus, if anyone can fix this is him. Except he didn’t fix it! Why is everyone hating on me?! WHAT DID I DO??! (Hahah funny, that sounds like Dido. Maybe a little foreshadowing…)
So ssshhh don’t tell anybody but I went behind Jupiter’s back today and talked to Aeolus. Aeolus and I go way back–we hooked up back in highschool and I’m pretty sure he’s still stuck on me. Anyway, I hooked him up with this sexy little nymph that I met last week and they really hit it off. I gave her to him, and in exchange he let out the winds to brew a storm on Aeneas and his fleet.
So now Aeneas and his little Trojans are fighting off this storm. Soon they’ll all be dead and my Carthaginians won’t have to deal with their crap anymore. Awesome. I just got this really cool new cell phone–it’s called a KRAZR. Oh wait, I think Neptune just texted me. “U R in majr trubz” Uh oh…
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