News You Can Use March 2008
Posted by lsnl in : News You Can Use, March 2008 , trackbackWhat Good Can a Little Routine Do? Lots!
by Kristin Swoszowski-Tran, Ph.D.
Children need structure in their lives, despite what they sometimes may tell you. Imagine the following scenario: Your daughter is begging to stay up later to watch just one more show on the Discovery Channel — you know, the one about the pink dolphins that they discovered living in the Amazon. “Just this one time, pleeeeease?” You want her to be excited about nature, biology and the environment, so you say, “Okay,” even though you can see she’s rubbing her eyes and it is getting pretty late. The next morning, at 7a.m., you walk into her bedroom to wake her up and she growls at you, saying she just needs 10 more minutes of sleep, but each time you go to awaken her again, she rolls over, ignores you, stalls, and asks for 10 more. When she finally does get out of bed, she begins to snarl that she cannot find anything to wear and that it is your fault, Mom or Dad, for not having washed her favorite skirt. Chaos ensues. You tell her that the one in the closet is perfectly fine, and you can feel your temper rising because your watch tells you that you are now going to be at least 10 minutes late (if you actually got out the door exactly at this moment) for that early morning meeting scheduled with an important client. You think to yourself: “Frankly, I don’t have time for this.” You may even catch yourself yelling, “Come on, we have to go, now!” No one has time for breakfast. By the time you get yourselves in the car, there is a sour mood, however subtle, hanging over all of your heads. Once in her classroom, your daughter realizes that she has not only forgotten to pack her completed homework (and now won’t get full credit for it), but also forgot to pack her lunch money. With a frown, she sinks into her chair and whispers to her friend, “This is gonna be a bad day, I can just feel it.” Any of this sound familiar? If so, read on because this story can have a happy ending.
I know few parents who believe that waking up to cranky, disorganized youngsters is considered one of the pleasures of parenting. Children who refuse to get out of bed or complain of feeling flustered are really trying to tell you something: “Help me get organized! I need someone to show me how to do it because I don’t know how to do it myself.” That’s where parents, caregivers, grandparents or other loving adults come in. We can help! Kids carry these feelings of being rushed, flustered, unprepared and cranky with them to school some mornings. Some children are capable of telling you that is what they are experiencing, but typically, younger children, such as those in kindergarten through third grade, are not always able to articulate why they feel upset or ruffled. They don’t always have the words to match the feelings. Teachers can often detect these feelings at the door, but they often don’t know what has led up to that point. For some children, this can set a “tone” throughout the day, one that is less than optimal for receptivity to learning and being around others in a positive frame of mind. This cloudiness can affect judgment, decision-making and friendship skills, and general optimism about many issues during their school day. Parents often wonder, “How can we avoid this?” Simple routines, such as morning rituals that help us to get out the door on time with the materials that we need for our day, or those that help make sure homework happens the same time every day, help to teach children habits of mind about structure, time management, planning, and organization. For children with natural attention, planning or disorganization difficulties, routine is even more important, and they need your help learning how it is done.
What can parents do? Parents often ask, “How can I help my daughter (or son) without ending up doing everything for her?” Maintaining routines can be tricky, but like forming a good habit, with a little commitment and persistence, they can become automatic and incredibly helpful to all family members. Routines should be established when children are young and applied consistently as they grow — but it's never too late to start. One thing to remember, however, is that it often takes a while for a habit to stick — so don’t give up when it seems like things are not working. There is a phenomenon that we sometimes see when helping families break old habits or behaviors in order to replace them with new ones. Some people — whether parents or students — quit and give up. Stick with it; it will pay off in the long run! The way to make routines stick is to make them a part of your everyday life.
How do routines benefit kids? Routines serve two basic purposes: to help to optimize daily functioning — the "getting stuff done" part of life — and to help make kids feel safe and secure. Daily schedules and routines help children, especially primary school age children, feel like the world is a predictable, manageable place. It gives them a sense of “how we do things” as well as “here’s how my family does things.” We all know that children learn a great deal from watching family members, so your participation here is key. Parents, grandparents and caregivers model organizational and planning behavior all the time, so why not harness that power and make things more obvious for children by talking out loud about how you plan your day. Say out loud, “Sometimes Daddy forgets what things he needs to do on certain days, so I use this calendar to help me keep track of things. I write down your recital dates, soccer practice times, and doctor’s appointments right here so it helps me to remember.” Modeling this kind of “thinking out loud” teaches children meta-cognition (thinking about thinking) skills. Who better than you to help give them these tips? Routines make daily activities manageable, allowing your child to focus on one thing at a time. Another important benefit is that the whole family may feel better in general, less stressed and more relaxed about their day. This will help to strengthen the family ties, particularly, if children feel as if they have a helping role within their daily family lives. Children will also see that parents and caregivers work as a united front — a team — and this also makes family cohesion and bonding more secure. In these hectic times, it may seem impossible to provide a structured lifestyle. Everyone is juggling schedules: work, school, recreation, music lessons, basketball practice and so on. Yet in just such times, structure becomes most important. The payoff: greater productivity for your child, as well as better health and family relationships. A review of 50 years of psychological research recently published in the Journal of Family Psychology, shows that “even infants and preschoolers are healthier and exhibit better-regulated behavior when there are predictable routines in the family.” Here are suggestions to help get your family started. Of course, you'll want to tailor them to suit the age and maturity of your child, the specific behaviors you are working on, and your family's personality and needs. As you develop your routines, remember that success takes time — sometimes months and years. But the benefits will last a lifetime.
How to Help Teach Long-Term Planning
Establish and review the morning routine. Together with your child, create a chart that details the sequence in which each morning activity should take place. Help her get into the habit of referring to the chart every day. (For pre-readers, use pictures to denote activities, such as a toothpaste advertisement clipped from a magazine to represent teeth-brushing time.) Or have your child make a tape recording in which he reminds himself what to do and when to do it. No more being nagged by Mom or Dad!
What to Do the Night Before
The goal of the morning routine is typically to get everyone ready and out the door on time. Preparations made the night before, such as bathing, packing book bags, selecting and laying out clothes, and preparing lunch, are important parts of establishing a smooth morning routine.
Plan for an early bedtime. Catching enough zzzs is essential. Start your evening routine early enough for your child to get the 10 hours of sleep he needs to wake up physically and mentally refreshed.
Bath time. Have your child take his bath or shower before bedtime, when time isn’t so precious and it’s less likely that someone else will need the bathroom. He’ll sleep better and there will be one less rushed item — and less conflict — in the morning.
Make decisions at night. Choose clothes for school the night before. Also set breakfast and lunch menus to avoid discussions about them in the morning.
Pack the backpack. Finally, place your child’s papers and books inside his backpack — and leave it near, or even blocking, the front door, where it can’t be left behind.
Bedtime
Your goal at bedtime is to help your child wind down and get to sleep at a usual time. Research shows that children with regular bedtime routines get to sleep sooner and awaken less often during the night than those without them.
Have a ritual: Something sweet and personal will help your little one look forward to this time.
Encourage little ones to follow a routine: wash up, brush teeth, put on PJs, use bathroom.
Try to get your child into bed at the same time each evening.
Read a book or play a quiet, low-stakes game.
Compliment your child on the things you noticed went well that day.
Waking Up: Let’s Start the Day Off Right
Invest in a good alarm clock. Teach your child how to use one instead of waking her up yourself. Be realistic about how much time you feel your child needs to prepare for the morning and set the alarm accordingly.
Let light into the room. If it’s naturally dark outside at night, leave the bedroom curtains parted to allow natural light to prod your child into wakefulness in the morning. Or install a dimmer switch and turn up the light gradually on dark mornings.
No More Nagging — Post a List. Make a list or a visual poster chart letting your child know exactly what he needs to do to get ready in the morning. It may include: wash face, brush teeth, make bed, get dressed, etc. Teach your child to check off each task as he completes them.
Turn it Off. Because many children (and adults) can become distracted and impulsive, it is a good idea to leave the TV or computer off in the morning so as to avoid tempting curious minds.
Enjoy breakfast. Eating breakfast together, especially sitting down to enjoy it, is great; however, this is not always possible. In those cases when you are truly on the run, make available “take along” foods such as fruit, cereal bars, cheese, even cereal already portioned out in baggies to take on the way out the door.
Reward your child for a good morning. Keep a jar of pennies, marbles, and jellybeans near the door. Discuss beforehand a reward (a big one) for what will happen once the jar is filled. For every successful morning, add one more item to the jar and praise your child for a job well done getting ready in the morning!
Create a place right near the door for gloves/hats/scarves so that you know exactly where they are when you need them.
Homework — help!
Let’s face it; we can all be inconsistent at times, but even more so for kids (and grownups) with attention and organizational challenges. Homework, an area that especially challenges a student’s ability to stay on track, is often a place for battlegrounds between families and their children. An established study routine (time, place, methods) can go a long way toward decreasing their frequency and intensity, and maybe even eliminate them. To establish a homework routine that will improve productivity and increase academic achievement:
Enforce a consistent start time. This will help your child build a homework habit.
Create a specific amount of time for study. This should teach children that rushing will not pay — they still don’t get to go play that game or do what it was that they wanted. Teach them that the 20- or 30- minute (or whatever amount is appropriate) study time is to be used regardless of whether they finish in five minutes or 20 minutes. If they finish assignments early, they can read.
If possible, stay close to your child. Many children concentrate better when an adult works with them or is nearby.
Place homework tools in one location. Be sure all tools are available (pencils, paper, calculator, reference books, etc.).
Take breaks. Distractibility, restlessness, difficulty maintaining concentration, and low frustration tolerance almost guarantee mental fatigue and boredom. Frequent short breaks, during which the child is allowed to move around, can help.
When checking homework, avoid the temptation of immediately correcting the work yourself and instead, ask them to check and edit their own work, guiding them to try to find the errors themselves. If you fix the work, their teachers will not know what your child did not understand — they need to know how to best help students by seeing the mistakes that were made.
Have fun afterward. Your child is more likely to apply herself to homework when she knows that a fun activity, such as playing a game or watching TV, will follow.